"i don't just come...I arise"

So I have been struggling seriously to get myself together. I'm not sure why I have been feeling so gross recently, but I've been severely struggling to get by. I am an emotional and mental mess. A lot of changes are going on and I'm not sure when there is going to be a calm. I think that we've all heard of the term "a calm before the storm." Well, I feel like my life is a calm before the storm...never quite hitting the storm full on. I get some rain...maybe a little bit of thunder. But I never find myself deep in the eye of the storm. I never have seriously been thrown into the raging water and the terrifying winds. However I think that's all getting ready to change. The storm is starting. The rain is just coming and it's time to go through this storm so that I can come out a whole person again. i will come out the other side whole again. i will come out the other side a stronger person than I am now. I will come out the other side a new person with new ideas and new knowledge and ready to face the world. I feel like I have to go through some storms before I truly know what my life is supposed to be about. With everything around me being swept up into this storm, I feel like I need to focus on myself and what I want to look like when I come out of the storm. I'm coming out in a whole new way. I'm not just going to come...i'm going to arise.

watch me run...

So here I go. The semester did not go as planned and now I'm on the way out the door of Wittenberg and into the real world where I don't know what the future will hold. I'm officially a Pre-School teacher in Dayton, OH...and I'm moving into a new place next week, however I'm still scared to death that I'm going to be on my own. I have someone here with me helping me and guiding me and I'm so thankful for that, because without this person I would be lost.

Have you ever had so many feelings and emotions running through your head that you can't breathe just thinking about the sorting them all out? Have you ever just wanted to cry because you were so unbelievably happy and so unbelievably sad in the same exact moment? Have you ever wanted to pull away from something with everything that you have but as you are running away you are looking back holding onto that one last string? That's what is going on in my head right now. I'm so lost in my crazy thoughts and emotions that I don't know which way is up. I'm fighting to be the "me" that I know I'm supposed to be...but I'm still holding onto the old "me" that was fake, and scared. I'm holding on the vulnerable and tattered girl that I used to be. I'm running away from that and becoming a strong and independent woman. It's all scary and crazy. It's hard to realize that in 8 days I will be living on my own and working for my living and everything that I have. I will be living with all I have. I will be working for everything that I want to have. I will be happy. I am convinced that I will be happy. If I'm not happy, I'm not sure where else I would go or what I would do. So for me...this is the beginning of the end. This is the start of the rest of my life.

This is the start of my wonderful life and watch out because I WILL be successful. I WILL be happy. I WILL do great things. I WILL have a family. I WILL be better than the examples that have been set for me. I WILL be great. Period.