things are changing

So it's not surprise to everyone that a few months ago I was considering transferring from Wittenberg for various reasons. After a series of tough events I came to the conclusion that Wittenberg is where I need to be. Shortly after I thought my world was crashing around me because my plans were changing, I was given an amazing opportunity to live in a house full of Christians next year. It's going to be an amazing experience and we are going to have a great year or 2 all living together in a house where the center of it is Christ and Christ's love. I am so excited for the opportunity to have this chance to focus on the things that I need to...education, family, friends, and Christ.

Although I have figured out where I need to be, I was very upset to find out that one of my closest friends has not. I know that she is not happy. And I know it's hard for her here, but if she leaves, I feel like a part of me will leave too. However I need to remember that she needs to be happy for herself and not stay in an environment because she wants to keep other people happy. So I guess I need to remember that just because there is distance between 2 people, it doesn't mean that there has to be a loss of friendship.

I guess part of me never wants anything to change and I want to live in a little bubble with all the people that are close to me. However, I know that's not life. So if this is God's will...let it be. If not, I pray that He changes it.

back on track

sooooo I have been awful at this. I seem to lose myself on the "treadmill of life" and forget to make posts on a regular basis. So I figured that since school is coming to a close again I should start to get back on track. Anyway, the weather is quite beautiful outside continually reminding me of the beauty of God and the things that He has blessed me with. I am super anxious for summer and the great things that it's going to bring! For right now I am going home for the first half of summer and then starting the last week in June I am going to be working at Recreation Unlimited. It's a camp for disabled kids and adults in Ohio. It's going to be a great experience. I can't wait!! I am going to be a Resource Counselor. It's going to be a fantastic opportunity and a great learning experience. Ia m still looking for a small job to have while I'm home for the first half of the summer so I'm not just hanging out. But I know that God will provide in due time.

This week I have really been focusing on the sermon that Craig preached on Sunday. He's going through a series called "Live Like You Are Dying". Focusing on the song by Tim McGraw. Last week he preached a sermon entitled "Love Deeper" and this week he preached a sermon entitled "Speak Sweeter". I have really been trying to put that into practice in my own life this week. I am not a "mean" person however sometimes I speak before I think. I want to make sure that I am spreading words of encouragement and praise around people so that I can help them to grow in Christ and in life. I am so thankful for the family that I have and the amount of support that I have around me. Anyway, I guess that I need to remember that everything I say and do is a direct result of a blessing of life that God has provided for me. We talked about in small group the other night how loving someone is a choice. Love is not an emotion. Well I choose to love deeper and to speak sweeter this week and for the rest of my life with the help of God. Yes, I will fall down, but I can get right back up again with the help of my loving Savior.

blessed

Recently I have been thinking a lot about what I have and the people that I have in my life. I have realized that each and every relationship that I have needs work. Any relationship has to have effort put into it from all parts in order for it to be a successful and beneficial relationship. I have been thinking a lot about certain people and whether they are worth putting the effort into recently when I never see anything back. I wonder when do I draw the line of trying to help someone when they won't accept the help or take the responsibility to help themselves. How far is too far? There are just some people that I don't think I can continue to try and salvage relationships with...and some people I have let go without that being my intentions. To those people that I have dropped without realizing it...I'm sorry. But I also apologize to the people that I can't continue to try with. I am moving on and I am taking those people that are beneficial to me. I'm taking the people that care about me and my well-being and are interested in helping me grow and learn.

valentine's day

So it's been a while since i've posted. I want to start out by saying that I hate commercialized holidays that we celebrate in this country. Maybe I'm just being like this because I don't have a valentine to celebrate Valentine's Day with...but I've never had a good Valentine's Day. My best memory of Valentine's Day was when I was 15 my Mom took me to get my ears pierced a second time. A boy gave me a ring when I was 18 on Valentine's day....then broke up with me 2 months later. This Valentine's Day was supposed to be with someone special...but he decided I wasn't special enough. In my head I hope that he is suffering just as much as I am...but in my heart I know that's not right of me. So I found myself today laying in bed all day doing absolutely nothing and calling my Mom crying asking if she will once again be my Valentine. How pitiful am I?? Oh it gets better...then 3 of my girlfriends who are also single and I went and saw "Dear John" in theatres....and it was awful. So on Valentine's Day I got a movie that sucked, a diet coke, and a vanilla milkshake. Happy freakin Valentine's Day to me.

Yes, I'm complaining...yes this sucks...but I know that when I wake up in the morning and go to church I will have the best Valentine that anyone could ever hope for. I know who loves me and He will give me much more than a ring, empty promises, or a diet coke. He will give me everlasting love that will endure through all of time. I'm so thankful that I have a Valentine like that. A Valentine that will be there through the end of time and will never leave me. He will never leave me for someone prettier, He will never promise something that he can't fulfill, and He will never say a harsh word to me. I know He loves me...and that is all that matters on this Valentine's Day. So yes, I'm sad on this Valentine's Day, but in my heart I know that I have the best Valentine ever.

snowed in and no place to go

I had a feeling that we were going to get a lot of snow this week when police and security on our campus sent our an email when there wasn't any snow on the ground at all 2 days ago warning us about the weekend weather. I like snow...when I don't have to be out in it. So for right now I am LOVING being able to stay inside and not have to go anywhere. Granted I have LOTS of homework I could and will be doing soon, but for now, laying in bed is okay. Sometimes that's the best feeling in the world.

decisions

All day long I have been thinking about decisions that we make everyday. It's interesting to see the different types of decisions that we make. We make some little decisions each and everyday like what to wear, what to eat, what time to go to bed, how much homework to do, who you will spend time with and many more. They there are bigger decisions that you make that affect people in ways that you cannot even fathom. I am in that decision making process right now and it's hard. It's hard to know what is right and what is wrong when people are screaming from every other direction how you are supposed to feel, and how you are supposed to think. I am beginning to realize that there is only one person who is capable of making decisions for me...and that is me. God gave me the free will to make decisions...and yes, sometimes I mess up and make the wrong decisions. But God knows when that will happen and He will always be there to pick me up when I fall flat on my face. I know that I will be okay. I know that years from now I will look back and think that these decisions are small and i am not going to even know why I stressed out over them. But right now, there seems to be so much at stake and it scares me. It scares me that I do not have all of the answers right in front of me. It sucks that I have no way of fast forwarding a few weeks, months, or years to see how things will turn out if I do it this way. However, God already knows what I'm going to do. And He knows if I'm going to fall flat on my face or not. Again, that's the beauty of God. He knows me inside and out and He will never leave me nor forsake me. I know that God will guide me through this. My last thought for the night is this song...it's by Rush of Fools and is titled "Undo" The lyrics are amazing...and they are truth. The only truth I need and that I can hold onto with no doubts.

"Undo"

I've been here before, now here I am again
Standing at the door, praying You'll let me back in
To label me a prodigal would be
Only scratching the surface of who I've been known to be

[Chorus]
Turn me around pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, need Your help
I can't do this myself
You're the only one who can undo
What I've become

I focused on the score, but I could never win
Trying to ignore, a life of hiding my sin
To label me a hypocrite would be
Only scratching the surface of who I've been known to be

[Chorus]
Turn me around pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, need Your help
I can't do this myself
You're the only one who can undo
What I've become

Make every step lead me back to
The sovereign way that You

[Chorus]
Turn me around pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, need Your help
I can't do this myself
You're the only one who can undo
What I've become

cleaning

I was sitting here this afternoon and decided that I had let it go by too long and I began to clean my room. I just intended on taking 30 minutes at most and organizing a few things and then being done with it. Well after 45 minutes I was sitting in the middle of my floor looking around at the HUGE mess that I had made. I was then mad at myself for even starting the project...but knew that I would feel so much better when it was all done. So I continued to sort through tons of papers and junk that I didn't need anyway. I found myself just thinking way too much about the events of the past week and started to cry when I came across a card that a friend had sent me last semester and inside it there was a little card with a message on it that read "All your tomorrows are in God's hands" then the verse Philippians 1:6 was there "He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion." This past week I have been so upset and so distraught about what had happened in my life, and wondering why god would allow this all to be taken from me...then I read this verse. This means that God didn't want that person as a part of my future. God didn't want that person as a part of the "good work" that he had in mind. I will be complete eventually...but that is only in God's time...not mine.